i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
