it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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