Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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