My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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