thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize