hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize