this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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