His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
