you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
