lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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