ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
