cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
