I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize