Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
