i think my tv is drunk
false alarm. still invincible.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
