New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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