Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
