i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
