He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
