I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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