This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize