How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
