...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
