The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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