your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
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