I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
