his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize