Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
