Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
