ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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