Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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