Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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