i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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