So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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