In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
