You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
