I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
