White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Fuck appropriateness.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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