i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
