P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
