Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
