The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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