Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
