I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
