Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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