just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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