We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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