you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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