i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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