I could make wine with my vomit
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
