You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
