So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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