So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize