Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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