i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
