i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize