I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
