Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
