It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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