i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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