My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Come on in and take your pants off
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