why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
