Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
