The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
