You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
