Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
