I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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