How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
