fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
