why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
